I am a doubter

Last night, I was reading John 20 and came across this passage (vs. 24-30):

Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.” A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”

There are only a few moments in the Bible I wish I could transport myself to, and this is one of them. What a powerful moment. Simply standing in the presence of Jesus is amazing, but to feel his skin and to touch his nail-scarred hands. And then to realize that He is the Son of God. What a light-bulb moment for Thomas. I wish I could have been there to see his face. To see him realize that he was following the Messiah. To see the man who paid off all my debt, tore the veil in two and rose from the dead.

Far too often, I’m like Thomas; I doubt like he did. I tend to question everything and everyone from their lifestyle to their motives. I doubt things I feel God is telling me. I become too comfortable and when God changes the scenery, I disregard it as a distraction because I unwilling to take a leap of faith and follow Him. This evening during my college group, we say this song by Phil Wing. The following lyrics caught my attention.

“…step out on the wave, step out into faith and fix your eyes on Me, look past the stormy sea, look past your stumbling feet. I know you’re afraid. And I know you’re afraid. But I’ll take your hand and hold you close and hold you in…and though you can’t stand, I still can, I still am. I am. I am.”

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Notable Quotables

The following quotes are taken from Dallas Willard’s book, “The Spirit of the Disciplines”.

“So, ironically, in our efforts to avoid the necessary pains of discipline we miss the easy yoke and light burden. We then fall into the rending frustration of trying to do and be the Christian we know we ought to be without the necessary insight and strength that only discipline can provide. We become unbalanced and unable to handle our lives.”

“If we wish to follow Christ – and to walk in the easy yoke with Him – we will have to accept His overall way of life as our way of life totally. Then, and only then, we may reasonably expect to know by experience how easy is the yoke and how light the burden.”

“To depart from righteousness is to choose a life of crushing burdens, failures, and disappointments, a life caught in the toils of endless problems that are never resolved.”

Oh, the possibilities!

Lots has been going on since I finished school last month and I am really excited. There have been so many opportunities for wonderful things and I have been enjoying my time off! I don’t have time to construct a coherent post, so you’ll have to do with a couple of one-line updates 😉

• A piano student of mine is performing at a showcase next month. I think I’m more nervous than she is, but I am proud of how hard she’s worked and I’m hoping she does well!
• For those of you who may recall, the wheat-free diet is going great. No more stomach pain!
• My family was given a baby-grand piano.
• I am seriously thinking about doing photography in the future. God has been opening so many doors in this area and I already have a potential business partner (who is also an amazing friend).
• A very close friend married on Saturday. It was a very emotional wedding for my friends and I, but I am happy for her.
• I have cracked my Arabic books open again and have found that I understand more than I realize. What a relief!
• I deactivated my facebook account (again) and cut back on internet use.  This means I have more free time, so I’ve been reading.  Gotta get through those summer books!
• I need to organize my pictures.  This sounds dreadful for someone so organized, but let me explain.  Because I do so many shoots, I go through memory cards like it’s nobody’s business.  As a matter of fact, if you were to ask me what I need most right now, more memory cards would be at the top of my list.  Anyways, I tend to dump pictures off onto my hard drive and naively think that I’ll get to it later.  Hah.  Gotta do something about that AND I need to back everything up.  (I know, I’m a bad photographer.)
• I injured my left knee, so if you see me limping around (and whining about it) that’s why.  Very disappointed about this because I was supposed to run a 5K on Sunday.

Happy Wednesday!

gardens

jump for joy

Interesting

Gallup Poll reports:

A new Gallup Poll, conducted May 7-10, finds 51% of Americans calling themselves “pro-life” on the issue of abortion and 42% “pro-choice.” This is the first time a majority of U.S. adults have identified themselves as pro-life since Gallup began asking this question in 1995.

Very encouraging to read!

What am I doing this summer?

Ted Slater at Boundless Line asks what others have done with the summer months.  In the past, I have hosted music camps, taught piano, traveled and done a myriad of other things.  This summer, however, I have decided to do something slightly different.  I have babysat children for over seven years now, but I have never nannied full-time.  In four weeks, I am about to take on this position.  When I tell people this, they seem to do a double-take and immediately say something such as “you’re so brave!”  But honestly, I couldn’t ask for a better job.  I will be nannying four children who are simply amazing.  They are also solid Christians, which is even better.

So, that is what I’m doing with my summer.  I’m also hoping to spend a fair amount of time reading and have included my summer reading list below.

• The Aesthetics of Mimesis by Stephen Halliwell
• Queen Victoria’s Family by Charlotte Zeepvat
• Christian Manifesto by Francis Shaeffer
• The Spirit of the Disciplines by Dallas Willard
• The End of Reason by Ravi Zacharias
• The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
• 1984 by George Orwell
• The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway
• Practice in Christianity by Soren Kierkegaard
• Fear and Trembling by Soren Kierkegaard

Child-like Faith

The sun was softly setting.

Children were running to and fro. Their parents were chasing them.

In the distance, one could hear the muffled sound of baseball coaches yelling out commands and directions for the team. “Strrrriiiiiiiiike one,” I heard coming from a particular diamond.

And there we sat on the grassy hill. The wind was whipping our hair and we were enjoying the sights and sounds.

She tugged at my sleeve and broke my relaxing reverie.

“Ms. Kristin, what can I dooooo?” she pleaded. Inwardly, I began complaining. ‘Did she really have to interrupt my thoughts? Isn’t this enough to keep you occupied?’

She began digging through my purse and eventually found my iPod.

“Kristin, can I listen to this?” she asked. “Sure,” I replied. Although she’s only six, this little one is very bright and can read very well. Soon, she had both headphones in her ears jamming out to a song.

I cringed. ‘Should six year old’s really be listening to iPods? Wouldn’t she become attached to it or something?’ I set these thoughts aside and quietly smiled at her.

A few minutes passed and I returned to my relaxing thoughts. Suddenly, her voice cut through again. But this time, she wasn’t nagging me. I almost went back to my own thoughts, but her motions and voice caught my attention.

She was kneeling on the ground. Her arms were raised towards the sky and her voice rang out in song to her Savior. She didn’t care who was watching her. She didn’t mind if her voice was out of tune.

Tears began falling down my cheeks. This is child-like faith. This little girl has been through so much in her short life, and yet here she was praising God. My thoughts began to wander once more, ‘Why can’t I be a little girl again, God? I want to be carefree again….to push everything aside and just focus on you.’ And in the gentle breeze, He whispered to me, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Being a child once more should not be embarrassing. It’s what God wants from us.

On love

1 John 3:18-20 says,

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.”